Its so difficult to put yourself out there. Mark yourself as available and then wait for the judgement to be passed. You are to try to smile to hide the anxiety and excitement. You are expected to come up with witty answers to hypothetical questions. There is a lingering gaze that you cannot return hence you look away after every few seconds. You would love the conversation to just flow instead you realize that the speed of your finishing your drink is faster than the speed at which the words come out of your mouth. There are comments on your good looks. You try to reciprocate but find it hard to say the same things to the other person. You talk about the common passions and the possibility of discovering new places together. It thrills you to see the readiness with which you can make a companion of this stranger.
You are told that you are too shy because what you have not been able to do is to meet that unending gaze. It hits you hard when you realize that you have suddenly turned into porcelain. That suddenly you are so fragile. There is that touch of his fingers brushing yours back. You want to soak in that feeling but you are not able to express because that gaze still lingers. You want to retort with the same flirtatious remarks but are not able to understand what holds you back. Its time to pay the bill and head back.
He holds you close to him as he escorts you to his car shielded by an umbrella against the rain. The moment you sit inside the car he cups your hands. You are trying to make sensible conversation but at the same time try to stall the time. So that he can hold your hand longer. You want that fuzzy feeling to go on. You reach the end too fast than you would have liked to. You realize that he wants to go one step further but something holds him back. You can hear him breathing hard. Breathing in your perfume. You try to give the signals too. But they are too weak to reach him. He just hugs you and gives you a peck on your cheek and you are away.
The moment the car vanishes, you crave for the attention and missed opportunities. You blame yourself for being prudent and not making yourself available. It hits you hard when you get a message that says that you were too shy to take the peck on the cheek as a hint for what could have come. Maybe you should have had those extra drinks as suggested by him to lose the inhibitions. You wonder at the missed opportunities and reply back by saying that the chances should have been taken by him when they were to be had. You further send more messages describing what you would have liked to happen. Even more messages are sent by you when you have finally flown back to other side of the country in the hope that something would elicit a response.
Except for silence nothing happens. You sit in your apartment going over the whole sequence again and again, wishing you could change the end as it came. You stalk the social networking sites to see if he is woken up from the slumber. But there are no signs of activity. The phone no longer flashes with his name on it. Utterly loser like and miserable is how you feel. You have a gnawing feeling inside you that probably being alone is how you will end up to be.
