while you drank away

why do i continue to run after things that are unattainable. i can't buy your affection or draw your attention or provoke a reaction. it stands for nothing but maybe thats a lot. its been an year yet not one thought about me crosses your mind.

you don't have to wish me like an autobot. you can pick up the phone and wish me in person like a human. 

i miss the shared laughter but the conversations seem forced now. your gaze is shifty as if you rather wished that you were elsewhere. i try to tell myself not to believe in nostalgic nonsense but the memories draw me in. they are unescapable. 

you find my friends funny and likable but i repel you like a plague. or so it seems. my attempts at calling a truce failed. you don't want to look back and thats ok with you. but in my shrinking circle that means a lot.

i try to escape this vacuum and vortex. but the offhand references to your pictures bring it all back. i hate to say this but i think that i m a bit jealous.